“The Stench” Written and Experienced on Monday, August, 15th 2011.
Mike just left to go get a fitting for the tractor. He told me I had a small job to do while he was gone.
Feed the steers.
It’s a little chilly, so I put on a comfy top (Mikes!) stepped into my gum boots and hopped into the tractor. I’ve gotten the knack of this task, so there isn’t a tonne of pressure on me. As I load the food onto the tractor, it starts to rain.
The cows are all facing away from the rain (so I know it’s going to start pissing soon). Great! I’m not a huge fan of working soaking wet, heck I can’t imagine anyone (aside from a sailor, or surf pro) enjoying it.
I quickly drive to the steers paddock. Unlock the gate. Zip back into the tractor and move the machine towards to feed dispenser.
In order to fill it, you first have to grab one of the side bars that acts as a lever and open the lid.
In a hurry I dash out of the tractor and move to the right side of the container.
The cow shit and sand combination acts as a stinky sort of quick sand, so it takes longer than normal to get to the container. It’s up to my knees, and takes a serious amount of effort to move each foot.
Finally after the trudge, I reach up and grab the lever.
The ground is uneven here. I wobble a little and catch myself, and regain my balance. Phew, close call!
Just when I think I am safe, for some rediculous reason, I lose my footing.
It occurs to me, that I am about to land in two feet of sloppy cow shit.
My arms flail in the air, I can feel gravity pulling me down towards hell.
I hit the black brown vile water and it floods up over me.
It’s in my mouth. It’s in my MOUTH!!!!!
I jump up as fast as I can. Which is difficult as the suction between my body and the liquid sand/shit is pretty thick. I stand, coughing, gagging, mixed with a dash of dry heaving.
The stuff is up my nose. I can feel sand and other materials on my tongue and cheeks.
Obviously I’m not going to get into the tractor again, so I turn it off, and walk in the cold pissing rain back to the farm house.
All the while back I laugh hysterically. Like a woman gone mad.
As, when I reached for that handle, I had already imagined my fate.
I strip down and get naked outside, and use the rain water to wash myself off. The puppy’s found me now, probably wondering why I am naked, shivering, laughing and stinking to high heaven.
Thankfully, we have a shower outside the house! I step in and wash for ages.
I’m sitting here now 20 mins later, still reeking and glad…so glad Mike didn’t have the chance to watch my fall from grace.
His shirt is ruined though. And he might wonder why nothing is done.
This happened over a year and a half ago. It’s probably my favourite (funny) memory of our time farming in Eneabba.
This is my 200th post and I thought I’d share it with you.