A new year…and a new “worry free” me?

Is it possible?  These bad habits I’ve learned… I can unlearn?  Man, I hope so.

For nearly year I have woken up nauseated almost every morning…and definitely not from pregnancy.  More often than not, I have been feeling ill.  After delaying seeing a doctor (I’m that stubborn and THAT afraid of what the news might be) that I only recently summoned the nerve to see a doctor this past Friday.  Even after several diet changes, and plenty of water and exercise nothing had changed.  Mike kept urging me to see someone especially now that things were starting to get worse.

Yup, bad news…but not the worst.

Turns out I gave myself a stomach ulcer this year!  Yipee!  Best gift ever!

Before I continue…a few of my favourite images from this year.  When I see them I relive my joy in each moment.  

Screen Shot 2014-01-01 at 6.53.57 PM

Being at the helm of a machine more massive and powerful than I ever imagined I could be in control of.Screen Shot 2014-01-01 at 6.54.28 PM

Walking for hours with Tessie…hearing her sigh of boredom or nuzzling close when I took photos.Screen Shot 2014-01-01 at 6.54.37 PM

Spending time with Mike on little adventures.  Be it fishing, hiking or snorkelling.Screen Shot 2014-01-01 at 6.54.49 PM Screen Shot 2014-01-01 at 6.55.03 PM

Finding this precise spider when I almost gave up on finding one.  Huge victory…I hollered for joy!Screen Shot 2014-01-01 at 6.55.54 PM

Watching these cockatoo roll on our wet lawn in pure ecstasy.Screen Shot 2014-01-01 at 6.56.57 PM

My Wuzzy…for always wanting a cuddle.  Even his (gentle) kicking me to get one.Screen Shot 2014-01-01 at 6.57.16 PM

Every single one of these…were taken when we lived in the country.

I realise I need to unlearn this worrying and stressing habit that I’ve developed.  Not only will my stomach thank me, my mind will settle and I can appreciate the moments in front of me.  I cannot control everything, and I think this has me suddenly realising that worrying about people or stressing about things beyond my control…are both utterly pointless.

Apparently quiet, happy, peaceful moments (I always experience when I’m with nature) are obtainable if I can turn off these rogue thoughts.

I’m not one for new years resolutions, in fact I don’t recall ever making one…but in light of my recent discovery something must be done.  What better time to set out on a journey to change who I’ve become.

There are a few people I’ve met in my life who radiated joy, peace, love and they always made an impression on me.  Of note, my father whom lately has become a different person.  He has faced turbulent times but sees clearly, calmly and I admire him for it.  He is a much different man to the grizzly bear I grew up with.  Mikes mum is also another woman whom I find strong and has a peaceful approach to life.  She’s present, caring and has so much love to give.

Lopa, Cathie, Jane, Julie, Lynda, Grandma.  All strong, calm, sometimes funny, peaceful and nurturing.  I felt like I’m in the presence of someone greater than I am when I am with you.

I want to experience life a new way.  I want to stop this worry train ride to stressville.  

To begin my journey…I’ve begun to listen to my mind.  To actually pay attention to it, and watch it…and what I’m seeing is a little bit scary.

I feel ok with what I see, and will commit to letting it go.  

14 thoughts on “A new year…and a new “worry free” me?

  1. Thank you for a truly heartfelt post and beautiful photos. I hope that you find your path to calm, I found mine through yoga and meditation – after 40 years of rogue thoughts and a damaging internal dialogue, my mind is at peace 🙏 I wish this for you in 2014 xx

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  2. I found clearing physical clutter was a good start for me, and then an attitude that made me more “present” in my life, helped relieve my stress. Also being proud of enjoying and embracing a new way of living.

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  3. You’re worrying too much about worrying! I found that my stresses disappeared when I stopped coveting material and personal possessions, and let go of attachments. It isn’t a cure-all, but it definitely brought more inner peace. Good luck.

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    • Hey Franco, Thanks for commenting!

      I think most of my problem stems from worrying about other people. We literally do not “own” anything…apart from the necessities. : ). I do get myself tied in knots thinking about problems that I cannot solve.

      Here’s to not thinking about it!

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  4. I’ve missed out on over half a year’s blog posts, and I’m enjoying reading through your blog and getting caught up. Sorry to hear about the ulcer. It sounds painful. Hope you heal quickly.
    Just thought I’d post an idea for you. I’m reading about the craft of storytelling, and in these teachings they advise you to ask “why?”. So, if you’ve got the time, keep asking yourself why. It’s something I’m going to work on, as well. Can I pinpoint why I think a certain way about life and myself? Is there a particular event or expectation that’s impacted me? Why am I worrying about this? Anywho, not sure if that’s helpful or not. But I was inspired by the lesson and thought I’d apply the technique to analyzing myself and getting to know why I do the things I do. If I can be honest with myself, that is. 🙂
    Happy New Year! Good luck with your worrying.

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  5. best of luck on trying to worry less…. I have also heard that some ulcers are actually caused by a bacteria…and can be treated with a round of antibiotics.My father-in-law had very large bleeding ulcers for years and now they could have treated them and made his life better. Hope that you are feeling better soon Jolynn

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  6. hi holly thanks for the lovely comments bout me but you must know that you too are a awesomme woman with so much beauty inside and out . we also have something in common we worry and stress too much about things that really we can do nothing to change. WE both are learning to de-stress this will improve our health greatly , did you know 95% of all disease starts with stress. so think less and just try to enjoy now, you cannot change the past and tomorrow is not here yet . when you live by your heart like you and i both do , you will not make a wrong choice, not always the best choice but it will never be the wrong 1. keep smiling live each day as it comes tomorrow is a new day with new experiences to be enjoyed or a lesson learnt. Love you heaps ps hopefully i will come for a visit this year maybe beginning of august give mike a big hug from me and tell him i love him Annie (mum)

    Date: Wed, 1 Jan 2014 10:42:52 +0000 To: anniesbargains@hotmail.com

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    • Thank you so much for the encouragement Ann! We would LOVE to have you come for a visit, even if we needed to travel to you we’ll make it happen!

      I understand what you mean by following the heart and not making a wrong choice.

      Hopefully in time I’ll be able to stop worrying and enjoy right now! : ) I can’t wait to figure it out! : )

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