Is it possible? These bad habits I’ve learned… I can unlearn? Man, I hope so.
For nearly year I have woken up nauseated almost every morning…and definitely not from pregnancy. More often than not, I have been feeling ill. After delaying seeing a doctor (I’m that stubborn and THAT afraid of what the news might be) that I only recently summoned the nerve to see a doctor this past Friday. Even after several diet changes, and plenty of water and exercise nothing had changed. Mike kept urging me to see someone especially now that things were starting to get worse.
Yup, bad news…but not the worst.
Turns out I gave myself a stomach ulcer this year! Yipee! Best gift ever!
Before I continue…a few of my favourite images from this year. When I see them I relive my joy in each moment.
Being at the helm of a machine more massive and powerful than I ever imagined I could be in control of.
Walking for hours with Tessie…hearing her sigh of boredom or nuzzling close when I took photos.
Spending time with Mike on little adventures. Be it fishing, hiking or snorkelling.
Finding this precise spider when I almost gave up on finding one. Huge victory…I hollered for joy!
Watching these cockatoo roll on our wet lawn in pure ecstasy.
My Wuzzy…for always wanting a cuddle. Even his (gentle) kicking me to get one.
Every single one of these…were taken when we lived in the country.
I realise I need to unlearn this worrying and stressing habit that I’ve developed. Not only will my stomach thank me, my mind will settle and I can appreciate the moments in front of me. I cannot control everything, and I think this has me suddenly realising that worrying about people or stressing about things beyond my control…are both utterly pointless.
Apparently quiet, happy, peaceful moments (I always experience when I’m with nature) are obtainable if I can turn off these rogue thoughts.
I’m not one for new years resolutions, in fact I don’t recall ever making one…but in light of my recent discovery something must be done. What better time to set out on a journey to change who I’ve become.
There are a few people I’ve met in my life who radiated joy, peace, love and they always made an impression on me. Of note, my father whom lately has become a different person. He has faced turbulent times but sees clearly, calmly and I admire him for it. He is a much different man to the grizzly bear I grew up with. Mikes mum is also another woman whom I find strong and has a peaceful approach to life. She’s present, caring and has so much love to give.
Lopa, Cathie, Jane, Julie, Lynda, Grandma. All strong, calm, sometimes funny, peaceful and nurturing. I felt like I’m in the presence of someone greater than I am when I am with you.
I want to experience life a new way. I want to stop this worry train ride to stressville.
To begin my journey…I’ve begun to listen to my mind. To actually pay attention to it, and watch it…and what I’m seeing is a little bit scary.
I feel ok with what I see, and will commit to letting it go.