I think since I’ve started this, I may as well just put it out there. Of course I feel awful knowing this is going to be painful, and hell I find it painful talking about it. But I started and I think I should finish and say what I mean.
It’s hard to have my own opinion and not upset others as at the heart of it no matter what I guess I just don’t buy in and a few people have taken it personally.
Where does my anti-marriage view come from?
Well, actually from the following statements from various women (never men).
I’ve had a few married women (in particular) tell me when I say we aren’t getting married…
“But! You’ll feel more whole, and there’s that fact that you just know you’re together forever. There are a lot of people witnessing the commitment. It’s such a serious vow to make in front of your friends and family. I’ve never felt more secure in my relationship”
I can’t tell these people what I’m really thinking…
This is where my opinion stems from. I believe it’s unusual that a couple would feel more secure by the ceremony. I think it speaks for a lack of security and insecurity in the relationship that a wedding day is so important for some.
That would really anger a lot of people if I said it out loud (I’ve definitely thought it)… and it’s what I really believe.
Then there’s the whole staged production (acting sometimes), money, materialism (greed) all wrapped into one day which (often) doesn’t feel like love at all to me.
A few weddings I’ve photographed have been a lot of fun, and there was a lot of love. And a few that I’ve attended, I was just observing a carefully orchestrated vision of what love looked like. These weddings in particular did not captivate me for the right reasons…
Something like 4 out of 5 marriages these days do not last (found that in an article on line so it’s not a real figure). Which regardless of it’s academic pull is an enormous statistic, and when I see that percentage I just wonder wether people have got it all wrong…
Government should have no bearing on who I choose to spend my life with. The system of marriage originated in trading women between families (they were second class citizens when this started) which sparks frustration deep in my gut and I have a serious distain for religion.
Ok phew. So, that’s what I believe.
Not every wedding feels forced, some are really beautiful…but this idea that it secures your relationship feels wrong, particularly given the amount of divorce.
If the numbers proved me otherwise I might not have such strong feelings about it…
It’s brutal, and judgemental. I can’t deny that.