21 Months.

Today I spent some time thinking about struggles I’ve had.

I watched friends of mine battle with anorexia and bulimia, and my 17 year old self thought they should just stop it, and be normal with eating.  I didn’t under stand then, why they had gone so far off properly eating.

Having gone through it a few years later, I can say I now understand that struggle.

It’s been god, let me count first…

21 months (shit nearly 2 years!) since I put an end to my eating disorder.

There are a lot of reasons women and men fall into harmful eating habits, and while I am definitely not Dr. Phil, I can give a bit of insight into how I fought and won.

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First, I took myself out of a very negative relationship.  For me, my personal life was taking a huge toll on my body and mentality.  I knew I needed to get space from this negative influence and albeit a little dramatic, I moved my life to the other side of Canada.  I had spent 2 years trying to control something in my life, and the only way I knew how was, by controlling the very small amount of food going into my body.

I was tired, physically weak, moody, and hungry!

Battling anorexia/bulimia is not an easy task.  My first attempt was back in Toronto, and while I had some good days, it wasn’t until I took complete control of my life that I was able to really make progress.  I will say running away from your problems might not always be the best way to “confront them” in some cases independence may give a sufferer breathing space.  Sometimes it’s easier to just cut communication with the negative influence.

Hell, this also applies to the voice of negativity in your own mind!

There was always a whispering voice that told me, I needed to loose weight.

This might sound a little bit nuts, but tell that voice to “shut the F up”, push it out of your head, and slam the door in it’s face….taking control of your own thought’s is a huge task, it might take a long time….but if you keep with it, you’ll start noticing it stops showing up to crash the party!

I also met someone special in the mean time.  (This person is now my very amazing other half).

It took me some time to tell him, but in time I was honest with Mike.  He was genuinely concerned, and from this point moving forward was a huge support.  It’s not easy to tell someone you love that you’re struggling, but you’ll likely find they understand, and also want you to eat well again.

Mike and I worked with a calendar.  I made marks for the amounts of days I could get through without crashing.  I also ate my meals with him, and when I was anxious, we would go for a walk.

I’d suggest heading out for a walk after you’ve eaten your first proper meal.  This isn’t for exercise, it’s to distract your mind.  If you can chat with a friend and walk, it is a very useful tool to use when you need more support.  If not, turn on your iPod and spend 20 minutes walking, and taking in the sights around your home (or wherever you may be).

Another important part in letting someone know, is they will check in.  Knowing that I also had Mike to keep happy put more importance on being well.  It’s much harder to make a bad choice when someone else’s feelings get hurt (apart from your own).  There were times that I “dropped the ball”, and as hard as it was to do, I told Mike.  Knowing that you have to report any mistakes, will make you think twice about doing them.

Eventually, there comes a time when you will say to yourself, I want to be healthy!  I know personally I can be quite strong minded when I want to be, and so when I was ready to really kick this habit, I held my ground.

If you find it difficult to stop full stop, then setting goals is another way to take a step by step approach.

Eating well, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle will not only make you feel happier, you’ll have much more energy and positivity to get out and do the things you love.

Indulging in rich foods, is one of the joys of having tastebuds!  I am very glad for the past 21 months, and that I’ve been able to eat the food I love and maintain a healthy body image.

The first year for me, I found there were days that really tested my resolve.  A year past that, now I don’t notice any negative thoughts, and over time it has become very easy to be carefree about what I choose to eat.

If you are having eating issues, please tell someone.  You don’t have to struggle alone!

xo

Holly

Notes About The Photos:

All seriousness aside here, I’ve got some photos from this morning.  I spent some time hunting around when I found these crazy venus type fly traps!  They are sticky like sugar syrup!

Eneabba has over 80,000 wildflowers….I am obsessed with taking pictures of them!

6 thoughts on “21 Months.

  1. Thank you for your courage in posting this part of life. I’m truly confident it will help people reading it. you are such a wonderful person. Only wish we lived closer 🙂 Biggest cuddles and love mc xxxx

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  2. Great post H, and really excellent advice. I think it could apply to the opposite end of the spectrum as well, for people like me who eat too often!
    Cheers to you!
    Beautiful photos, the flowers there are stunning!

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    • It’s funny you should say that D’, Mike and I talked about the other end of the spectrum tonight as well. And that confronting yourself, is something that an over eater would need to do as well. Different problems but I think similar tools would help to take control, and own your thoughts, instead of letting them own you.

      The flowers here are amazing! Those cactus type ones had me in awe. I stared at the glittery sticky drops for about 3 hours today, taking photos and feeling like I was in another planet!!

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  3. Thank you for posting this. I managed to eat a bit more and gain some weight a few months ago but now i have fallen back into old habbits and lost a bit of weight. Not all of it though! I am trying my hardest to put a meal plan together and take small steps at a time. I feel so much better when i know that people have conquerd this illness because it makes me feel that one day hopefully i will be able to do it too. xxx

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    • The fact that you’re willing to fight it is a huge gain! I found the first bit hard, but when I made it through 2 days, I’d try to go for 4 the next, and then 8 etc….having small goals makes the mountain seem a lot smaller! Thanks for writing, I really hope you take charge and if you do need someone to talk to, I’m here! xo – Holly

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